When I thought of opening up new category,”Hosting”, I thought about topics that interest me, about people who fascinate me and have a lot of smart things to say. I thought of all the things that are still considered a taboo, and still people around me break them, and they are perfectly normal people. And while I asked my friends to write about their sensitive, secretive, unusual and perverse issues, I began to think of the fact that we all are, in the end, very similar. We share the same fears; have similar sensitive and embarrassing spots, but we all try to make up for it in indirect ways. Everyone has this unconfutable spot. Yes, you too.
My mother called me on Skype, very pleased that this is the 21st century, a technological era, where she is able to see her baby girl, on the other side of the world, on the mobile phone screen, and she is even more pleased that she knows how to operate it by herself. She told she had bumped in Roni. And was so excited that she had to call and tell me about it.
Roni was a childhood friend. Every afternoon we used to go the neighborhood playground, which has undergone several renovations since then (over 20 years ago) but still stands in the same place. Our mothers would sit together there all afternoon and until it got dark, and we would dart through the swings, slides, make food from sand and mostly just have fun.
When we got older, we went to different schools and so we drifted apart; later on they moved from the neighborhood. When Mother told me she had met her, I looked for her on Facebook and sent her a message, scribbling lightly. Roni is divorced and has a son. She wrote about being divorced and I thought her words were worth being heard or read. Because it’s interesting how we, as a society, think, generalize, decide what is a taboo and what is not, who deserves more and who deserves less. I thought she was brave enough to write about her own weakness, her sensitive dot across the net, so I asked her if I could share it with you guys.
Here are her words:
“Well, after 4 years in the market as a “divorced + 1 “, I thought of summarizing this situation in several stages that characterize every man who came on to me until now, and also about my routine life:
You stand at the bus station waiting for the bus. You wear jeans, a T-shirt and hiking shoes. Actually, there’s nothing to hint that I am divorced. Then someone comes along and just like the stages of mourning, he goes through several stages as soon as he realizes that I am divorced with a child:
1. The surprise stage: Get out of here! Seriously?! I would have never guessed!! 2. The denial stage: You’re kidding me right? You? A mother? – No way! 3. The calculations stage: Wait, you said you are 28 years old? So that means you gave birth when you were 22! So you got pregnant when you were 21!! 4. The compliments stage: Good for you!! It’s not easy to raise a child on your own (comes with a pity, facial expression). 5. The decision stage: This is the stage which every man faces the difficult decision of his life: to date a divorced woman or not.
And now I am wondering out loud, “How should we look?” Wear a mini skirt, high heels, dye our hair to blond, start smoking KENT cigarettes and drink coffee with milk? (Stereotype in Israel for divorced women) Should we put a sign on our forehead ‘divorced +1 for the brave only’?
And you know- no matter what they tell you, most guys want only one thing from you. Because that’s how they were taught or they heard it somewhere. That divorced women are worth less and, therefore, can be treated rudely. As an experienced woman, I have to say that being divorced is really a challenge. And not just because of the dating world. Sometimes the feeling is that everything you’re worth is just one night stand. No matter what you do, there will be those who will bring you down, only because of the stereotypes that society has created on single moms and divorced women. We almost always find them on the TV screen as secretaries, cleaning ladies, the women who struggle every day, whose children are automatically in risk. The best scenario for them is to remarry, but of course only to a divorced man with seven kids, to save them from themselves.
And in general, this word, “divorced”, has long been unsuitable and inappropriate. Because in fact each of the divorced, single moms is a lioness. She is a woman who knows what she wants and has gone through a thing or two in life. She’s the one who does not need a man to fix stuff for her, change or buy thing her.
I’m happy to say that may be statistically I belong to that group , but I fight it every day, to be successful despite everything; not because I’m really struggling but because society has a hard time to accept me and my ambitions!
I don’t need any compliments or respect, all I ask for is that the next time you hear the word, “divorced,” think about a more positive character, and don’t feel sorry for us either.
Hoping that I have succeeded in changing something in our society’s crooked perception. And if so, I’ve done something meaningful in my life.”
Do you identify with Roni? You can write a comment here, on Facebook, and if you want to stay updated with the blog, about other interesting people, recipes, DIY and travelling you are more than welcome to Subscribe, follow up on Instagram and Pinterest.
No Comments