I previously wrote briefly about the wonderful communication kindergarten that Noam was in. The staff was wonderful; Occupational therapist, emotional therapist, communication therapist, amazing teacher and lovely assistants. It was a wonderful place that we were privileged to be a part of for at the last two years. As part of Noam’s treatment program, we received parent guidance once every two weeks with the emotional therapist.
Our emotional therapist was incredible, we learned a lot from her. It’s a service that any kindergarten should receive. It’s a service that all parents can benefit of- because it really helps.
When I was pregnant with Tamara, they helped me prepare Noam in a wonderful way for her birth.
We knew exactly when to tell Noam about the pregnancy. How to help him to cop while I’m in the hospital and what to expect in the future.
The cherry on top is the lovely book they prepared for Noam. And it helped him so much when I was hospitalized for several days and in his acclimatization to the new situation at home.
I decided to create a beautiful template – that anyone who wants to prepare his child for a new baby using a personal book can. So even if you don’t feel like read my pearls of wisdom, scroll down and enter the file and prepare a personal book for the child.
pregnancy
Pregnancy, that is nine months- a very long period of time for children. Therefore, I recommend not to tell them about the pregnancy so soon. at the seventh month is a good time. The belly is already out and you can tell that a new baby is about to be born.
As part of the preparation, you can involve the child organize things for the baby.
We assembled the crib with Noam, sorted the baby clothes, taught him to tie Winnie the Pooh in a car sit. It is both fun to do it together and really important for the child to feel part of the process.
While you are in the hospital
I stayed four days in the hospital. And we didn’t bring Noam to visit me, because it was forbidden (Covid-19) and he was with my mother. The truth is, at that time he hardly wanted to FaceTime with me… he was too “busy”.
While I was in the hospital Dima bought for Noam a cat doll and we said that the doll was from the baby. Some therapists claim that this is an underestimation of the child’s intelligence. My Noam was 3 and half and he is a brilliant boy, and and he loved that doll.
During my stay in the hospital Dima said that he did everything with this doll. He brushed her teeth, fed her with a bottle, took her to kindergarten and went to bed with her.
Returning home – quality time and boundaries
When we came back from the hospital, Noam suddenly seemed huge to me. Huge. It’s important not to confuse and think that because he suddenly seems big to us, he is really big. So don’t expect him to suddenly behave maturely.
When we returned home, Dima took time off from work (something that doesn’t happen often) and spent a lot of time with Noam or with the baby so that I could be with the other. It was important to us that Noam would have quality time with a parent without the baby.
Although we tried to cuddle him as much as we can, we did not give up on our boundaries at home.
I believe that a child with boundaries is a safe child. Especially in such unstable period time for him, when the whole family balance changes, it is important to maintain the boundaries he is regular to.
We asked for his help (and we still do) when we taking care of the baby . For example, we bath her with his help, we ask him to bring us a bib, diaper, wipes or a pacifier. We explained to him how to give her a pacifier. These simple actions make him feel valuable – that he is a helping big brother. And when you get stuck with a surprise poop, it really helps to have someone bring you a diaper and wipes.
So everything is perfect?
Well unfortunately no. Many children experience regressions when a new sibling is born. Some starting to wet there beds, some can experience regression in speech or behavior. Some of the children are not happy with the baby’s, and ask to return him to the hospital.
How Noam react?
When we returned home, Noam was charming by Tamara. He was fascinated by her. We explained to him how to put her a pacifier, and that it is allowed to kiss her on the hands and feet and not on the face, and in general we really tried not to tell him “no” or “don’t” so that he will not develop an antipathy towards her.
But at the same time as his so cute regarding Tamara, he started being rude to me, he wouldn’t hug me or kiss me, he didn’t want me to read him a book before bed. His anti is directed mainly at me.
His emotional therapist said it is because he is so smart and understands that negative behavior towards his little sister will not be well accepted.
And I won’t lie, it was hard and very painful that my warm and loving child firmly rejected any display of affection from me. He is still being rude from time to time and of course we don’t accept it. We don’t cut him any slack just because he have a new baby sister.
But we are no longer excited about this behavior, because he have a new baby sister, and it’s a phase and it will pass.
We just have to let time take its course until he gets used to the baby and to the new created family unit. And the best gift you can give a child is a brother or sister (Adler).
Birth preparation book
A boy who is expected to a baby brother
A girl who is expected to a baby brother
A boy who is expected to a baby sister
A girl who is expected to a baby sister
The idea is to enter the link (you need to sign- it’s free), and drag relevant images to each page. Then you can print it and make for your child great individual book that will help to prepare him for new baby.
I made a sample album – the photos of the parents are not consistent – because I just couldn’t find a uniform family that fits all the photos I need, but the idea is understandable, and if not, I’m here for questions 🙂
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